Halfway in Week 2 of my data collection processes. It has been so draining mentally and physically (and financially), but oddly enough so fulfilling to my soul.
I mingled with farmers and all from various districts, and like, so jealous of them. They don’t earn much, but they looked as if they’re pretty fulfilled with their life. Maybe from the outside. But I could feel and see how great the power of community in front of my eyes. It was something my late grandpa lived for. Live in kampung and be together with his community. Unlike me, it’s like always looking out for something, for what? Maybe I’m looking for validation that I’m a valuable person.
I feel like a fake person, so engrossed with social media and my little bubble of self-preservation against I don’t know what real threats I could be facing. I am so connected to many people in such a short time. Almost all of the respondents earn just slightly more or less than I am, yet they survive, built a family and work in the farm as usual. I wonder what makes them so strong. Why am I so different than they are?
I thought to myself, maybe cause I have lived abroad and experienced the best of both worlds. I have an overall idea how to get ahead in life. Why do I need to be ‘ahead’ though. What’s wrong with me right NOW? I am so thankful for my parents hard work to raise my siblings and I, but to me, they didn’t emphasis so much on what it means to be human and be a part of a community.
This whole experience is so humbling to me and make me want to reassess how I live my life, my values and priorities. I already have what I need to lead a meaningful life. I don’t need much. I just need to do what is right for me and what makes me happy with the people or my community around me.
I am just so grateful of this journey. It just has opened up my eyes to so many things about life. My worries are too small (but need to address) compared to the farmers that I have met. Despite of all the lackings in their lives, they still survive and are doing well. I would be OK too. Thank you Allah.