Tag: latenights

  • Year End Review 2024

    It’s a week away before 2025 comes and I have not yet come up with my plan for next year. It’s just that my mind still has so much clutters and I can’t really point out what really is keeping me busy or unproductive (the magic word – I can’t really live without being productive). Maybe I should quickly sort out what’s going on recently.

    Last week was busy, like back to back preparations and attendance for Christmas parties and meetups, like from 14 Dec till 20 Dec, I attended 6 events, including dinner and my Christmas party classes. I think most of my energy went for the preparation, being socially present and I rest very little that week. Despite that, I really had a great time and the things that I prepared for went really well. I am so proud of myself for the courage to go out there and enjoy festivities with people I am not really close with. One thing that I noticed is that people really appreciate me and my presence. I don’t feel alone anymore. Best thing ever, a class participant told me, she said something like this, “Nurul, you are one of the best instructors that we’ve had.” I am so thankful with the opportunity to be around with such quality women.

    I am also worried that I spent so much on food these days. Like I ate a lot! I mean I really need food more than I used to have, but I don’t know if I am overdoing it or not. I also feel that I am heavier and have grown bigger – my waistline expands a bit cause my abs and obliques have grown a lot, but my body fat has reduced only a little. My lats are bigger as well as my arms and shoulders. My chest pecs are more visible now. I have not checked my measurement for a while. So, it’s pretty confusing to me. To be fair, I did a lot of gymnastics drills last week, maybe I need to recover and nourish myself a lot more. I also covered a lot more classes last week and this week. What makes me unsettled is that I now have to buy new sports bra as the ones that I have feels tighter than usual and at times I feel it’s hard to breathe. I can barely fit into my weightlifting belt – still can manage if I squeeze hard into my torso. Sometimes I look bloated from my side profile, the muscles just make my belly fat more apparent.

    I still have not finished my assignment and done with my viva presentation slides. I must do it latest within 1st week of 2025, otherwise, things are going to be so chaotic. Also, I got to pay my semester fees by then, and claim from EPF at least I can reinvest the money.

    The minor ones, my kitchen drain is stuck for a few weeks already. I thought I had it sorted out but the blockage just reduced a little bit after a few interventions. Options would be to ask my brother, ask the management or buy a temporary portable sink so that I can do my dishes outside. My plants are not doing well, some died and I killed my mom’s dying orchid. I feel so sad. Though it’s not my fault, I just want to do something nice for my mom cause according to her, my grandma had the orchid since my mom was a kid. Imagine how long had it been alive! I’ll buy her a new one with flowers. My car air conditioner is being erratic, still bearable but I got to sort this out because it’s dangerous to drive when it rains heavily outside.

    These are all my worries for now (that I can think of now). I feel that my body is inflamed and dysregulated with all these functions and worries. On top of that, I am also upset that my siblings do not acknowledge that we have to step away from the dysfunctional family dynamics that I am seeing and are accusing me of trying to break the family apart. That is the least of my intention. Of course I love my parents and all, but I don’t appreciate being treated the way everyone does – lacking in empathy, care, kindness and respect. They never take me seriously anyways, so might just focus on myself. What matters is I tried. I have to set my boundary and limit my interactions with them.

    Okay, that is a whole lot of stuffs to process and feel within a week. On towards what I want to work on in 2025. The focus is in generating wealth and creating stability; also building meaningful connections and relationships. So, areas that I am going to think about financially is on the targets and goals for my earnings, investments (set aside RM500 for year-end shopping), savings (at least RM2,000 ready) and debt management. Keep tracking my expenses so that I know how to configure my resources optimally. And then come up with figures and my plans on how to achieve my financial goals. Next one, strategies to manage AFC more efficiently – how can I use tools to simplify my processes while building more numbers. And then, start to think on my consultancy firm – core service, team and stuff, just about setting up, not even talking about earnings yet. I want to sharpen up my technical knowledge and find time to build a simple cloud solution for sale and subscribe. To manage my time and energy wisely, with teaching, training and recovery – pair with adequate nutrition, hydration and rest. My fitness goal would be to reduce my body fat percentage and progressing on skills. Finally, I have to set the timeline to finish pending projects.

    On personal level, I would like to treat myself a bit better and be more in control with my time and energy. Find time for creative hobbies, improve my living conditions, declutter and invest in skincare, haircare and quality clothings. Schedule and prep my nutritional needs ahead, and a lot more. Be mindful with my expenses, home and car maintenance; as well as get ahead of bills. Anything at all that will help myself to heal and become better. I want to be that person who enjoys fashion and the finer things in life again.

    Reflecting back, I have achieved so much this year. My income increased, and I actually hit my target set earlier. My competence and fitness level has grown a lot. I am a lot fitter and stronger than I was in January this year. I actually managed to finish my thesis – all the difficult stuffs; data collection (I still can’t believe I was so shameless with the whole thing, asked for help, travelled all over the place for this, like not overthinking if its logical or not – like just wing it!), data analysis, thesis writing – I managed to overcome. I pushed my limits. I stood up for myself a lot and had the courage to have difficult conversations. I practiced my set boundaries. Less of people-pleasing. I created a community of people who are loyal and value fitness. I was comfortable being and showing my true self. On love relationship and family front, not progressing so well but there were efforts made, and I did my best, which mattered. Best thing I could do is just let go and accept people as they are. Be at peace with it and just remain respectful and kind.

    I believed in myself more and trusted my abilities to overcome adversities. I can say that I have had a fulfilling year so far; and I have only God to thank for.

  • I Am Exactly Where I Need to Be

    Been wanting to write for a while. Have gone through some nice weeks prior and things are moving so fast that I need to process things for a bit. Took a break from training post-competition to reset my body and nervous system – seriously I was struck with one after another, thesis, training, classes, travelling on survival mode; and to unexpectedly received surprise messages – the usual hi and gone stuff; on the eve of my birthday, seriously? When I wanted to just be friendly and show that I feel happy for you for starting class, suddenly I got blocked again. Do you see your communication pattern? That drives me mad, but I am not gonna be affected by those anymore. Everything from you doesn’t have any clear context on me, as the recipient of your interaction.

    Now, that’s out of my system, I want to process on how sweet my brother has been for repairing my old little car on his own (it’s already 19 years old this year). He has been trying to fix it for weeks and spent so many to buy the tools and parts to help me. Funny thing too, my dad starts to join him outside at the porch with a cup of coffee in his hands, watching my brother fixing the car. Earlier, weeks way before, my brother told me he was ushered on wheelchair to the ICU, paralysed, as his blood pressure sky-rocketed to 250. As a fitness trainer, I know how urgently he needs intervention to care for himself. I told him to take things slow and don’t stress too much. He has done so much already. And then, I began to talk about our shared childhood trauma and how it affected us as adults interfering with our lives and causes unnecessary stress and hypervigilance. He didn’t want to listen to me at first, but I kept talking anyways – deep inside I know he felt shame and anger, or something else, as he kept asking me questions about our childhood and how it affects us. I told him to go do some searching on “childhood neglect” and “childhood trauma”; and that if he has the budget to go see therapist. I have been wanting to see one, but for now books and alternative means have helped me a lot so far. The pain of being in relationships with wounded/dysfunctional/abusive people have really forced me to think and find what’s wrong with me for choosing to be with them and to finally find ways to heal my trauma.

    So, back to my brother, I worry so much for him. I hope he could come and train with me to improve his health. A few days back, we were having lunch outside while waiting for my car tire replacement to finish at a workshop, and he brought up the topic about childhood trauma again. I am happy that he finally understands that there’s nothing wrong with him and that it’s the trauma responses that made us respond to things the way we do. I am glad that he gets the understanding that it’s not our parents’ fault either as they, too, at that time, wouldn’t have known better. Having that conversation, I hope he understands the pain that I have gone through upon knowing that everything I knew about myself was wrong for the past 38 years and that I have to isolate myself and rebuild a life and identity that is true to me at my core. After that conversation, I feel like I wanted to hug my brother (but I didn’t), it feels like he was that small little boy again who I need to protect as a big sister. I want him to know, that he can come to me and talk to me about anything that bothers him – same goes to my other siblings.

    Other than the stuff about my brother, I sort of feel that I am getting better at delivering a good class. My endurance has gone down a bit due to long rest, but being able to teach engaging 5 BodyPump classes in a week, on top of my regular Putatan classes is such a win for me this week. The new release is so hard. So this time, my focus is for my participants to gradually build in their strength injury free, find which area that is challenging to them and focus on diverting their fatigue to their technique and to feel the load as stimulator, not as something to avoid. I am just so grateful with this job and the crowd there, these guys have helped me in believing in my own strength and power as a person. Also, had a nice mamak dinner after gym cleaning with the ladies I teach in Putatan. I feel that it’s scary that we all are getting along better and getting closer, that my reaction was to immediately put boundaries and put up a wall so that they don’t know me that much despite of me telling hefty things about myself to them. Maybe it’s the reaction from being used to people taking advantage of me. I preached a lot about the nervous system, to avoid being in an overdrive – I hope someday they would get what I mean. I am also happy that I see a lot of progress for each of them, proving that their trainings start to trigger changes towards their body. I have just started to build my strength to getting back to CrossFit training, hopefully I would have enough to pay for gym fees and start training again by next week. The drills that my coaches gave me have helped me a lot and I see a lot of improvements on my technique and that my physique has changed a bit (I think my abs muscles, those forming six packs have grown a bit; and my shoulders width – the lats area, is a bit broader than before). My focus this time would be more on skills and actually finish all the prescribed conditioning workouts.

    My thesis has gone to the backseat a bit as I focus on finishing the last module that I have to attend and redo. Today’s class was the last one. I really enjoyed the sessions – it’s more like a study group environment rather than a full-blown lecture. The lecturer was so good and encouraging to everyone – even towards those who made outright mistakes in their presentations (but as a trainer, I am so used to correcting people real time, that I had to point out what could be done to improve their work – not apologising, I am just a direct person). I have been having this imposter syndrome, keep questioning myself if I am doing the right thing with my research, my framework and all – having interacted with her, and receving her feedback after presenting my work, I am now more confident with what I am doing. She explicitly tells everyone this – “Now I believe that she does her own work for her thesis, she really knows what she’s doing and she’s a very hardworking person.” Hearing that from someone I admire and respect, is so validating. Half of the postgraduate lecturers there know who I am and who my parents are, they might expect something lesser of me. I believe I do my best whenever I can with whatever resources I have to make it happen with the help and support of people around me. I am a person of effort; I am capable and I can do this! At the end of our class, the lecturer asked for feedback, and when its my turn, I just started saying how thankful I am for the class and the lecturer and my voice began to crack! I just almost cried but I kept myself composed, paused and talked slowly. I was surprised because it happened a lot when I talk about my research or anything to do with my studies. That’s how deep my feelings and attachment are to my research after all the things I have gone through to come this far. I still don’t know what that means.

    Overall, I really did have a nice weekend that temporary water disruption did not water down my contentment! I am not as fatigue this week, I take care of regulating my nervous systems, I get things done, I nurture my relationship with my family, secured a few new clients to train with me and made new friends. Today I realised, everything is already lined up for me. I just need to prepare myself to face them and follow through what is in store for me in the near future. I don’t have to worry if I would make it in each area of my life – everything will happen when it’s time. I just need to focus, keep building to be the best version of me that I can be and be ready to hit the gas for what’s to come in time. I feel that I have grown and healed so much from my old self. Thank you Allah for helping me.

  • Bliss Sunday

    Spent the whole day indoor with writing my thesis today. Today’s writing mode is different, I didn’t feel anxious or suffocated or overwhelmed like yesterday. What did I do differently today?

    I didn’t force myself to come up with what to write. I just let things flow freely. Whenever I finished a few paragraphs, I immediately took a break doing dishes, cooking, washing, cleaning, laundry etc, basically the stuffs I have neglected and long to do for weeks already. My house is clean, and my thesis progressing – what’s better than that! I feel like human again. Checked out on my plants, my orchids are growing bigger. Still no signs of flowers, but at least the jasmine tree starts to grow some flower buds.

    My Chapter 6 hasn’t finished as planned. Imagine getting asked by my supervisors on why it’s not yet done, and me replying with “because I take care of my mental health first”. Only in dreams. Just a little bit more. I’m gonna ask the DBA coordinator when exactly is the due date. I’m due to submit next week. I’m rooting to finalise everything by Wednesday.

    I was craving on pizza so bad today. I looked for strategies to delay my craving. I just drank water and ate lots of guavas. Still feeling the crave for pizza. So I decided to make some baked pasta (using yellow noodles cause I’m out of pasta) with roasted chicken I’ve prepared last week with shredded cheese on top. It was heavenly! Maybe my body needs vitamin B or fat or more protein. I managed to not succumb to my craving and this was huge highlight of my day.

    Finished the day with taking out the trash and preparing for tomorrow’s class choreo. My teaching and training shoes are still wet from afternoon wash. So I’m gonna skip morning training tomorrow and catch up in the evening later. Mondays are normally the busiest day of the week for me. Hope I manage to catch some time for my thesis. Gotta rest now and wake up early later. May things go well and peaceful tomorrow.

  • Thesis – Writing Anxiety Part Unknown

    It’s another Saturday. As usual, I’m caving in my house to write. This morning was different. It’s public holiday so I have no class, but I went to train with one of the ladies I train with at the gym just the two of us. It was calming as both of us are kind of introvert people and don’t talk a lot. We just focused on our own trainings, listen to music and chitchat for a bit. Managed to train for a good 2 hours, working on my techniques and did some athlete WOD prepared by our coach. It was a nice training/me time for me.

    While training, out of nowhere I received a text and some missed calls from one of the members that I teach at the gym. I did not give out my phone numbers to everyone, but somehow she managed to reach me. She must be so desperate that time that she tried to connect with anyone at all working at the gym! As it happened, there’s no staff working at LUF gym today and she was having issues with the locker – it won’t open up. I know how devastating that feels. I did my best to help her out. One of the staffs managed to get in touch with her. Problem solved, I hope the incident didn’t ruin her day. I feel like a star and a reliable worker for a bit (though I only work there part time) that someone I barely know and taught only about 3 classes reached out to me for help.

    Reached home, I was so hungry I immediately ordered food. I ate so much, then slept, and ate again. I tried to rest and calm my body a bit in preparation to write. It took about 4 hours for my body and mind to settle down (managed to roll into writing after meditation). Apparently, my coffee and donuts strategy isn’t working anymore. Which is a relief as I can’t do it to myself anymore loading on excessive sugar just to keep writing. Can’t be too hungry because of training. I had enough sleep and my training was kind of light today. Maybe it’s the aftermath of yesterday’s training. My upper body still is a bit tender from all the pull up drills. Point is I ate just too much and I don’t know why.

    Nothing new about writing, still suck to my core but at least I managed to write a few paragraphs and added 1000+ words today. 15,000 to go. For real. I did a quick look up, at least everything is in place except for Chapter 6. I’m going to focus on this moving forward. I’ve got 1 more week to refine my thesis before sending my draft for panels screening. Deep in my core, I feel so calm, like there’s nothing to worry about, like it believes in my ability. But at the same time, my logical mind says, look at the reality, there’s more to write! I’m getting obsessed already. I’m going to meditate one last time today, shower and plan for tomorrow’s write.

  • Thesis is Coming to Fruition!

    I have been spending all day indoors analysing and writing my thesis. I thought I have done most of it. Turns out there are loads more to do! I have more or less 5 days to detail everything out before I submit my thesis draft to my supervisor. However, I am happy with my results and it seems that all the components needed for my thesis are there. I am so grateful for that. Only thing is, time is almost not on my side. I am already anticipating this hecticness, with my preparation for competition this weekend. So that’s officially 3 days off! Maybe I can bring along my laptop to write while waiting during the competition.

    I have been progressing so well. I can’t let myself be disorganised or distracted. I feel that I need to pace myself tenfold but that only means not sleeping, eating, working or going out at all. I hope I’m not gonna be too tired to write after work tomorrow.

    Checklist for my thesis:

    • Chapter 3 – Polish on my literature review – evidence and details on confounding Conceptual framework
    • Chapter 4 – Methodology – elaborate on my processes from questionnaire, applications, how I conduct everything – tell them! And then write the parameters I use for all the analyses
    • Chapter 5-Decide on VAF, competitive or complimentary mediation, analyse open ended questions, write my analysis – tables all done!
    • Chapter 6 – Detail out my contribution

    More effort needed for Chapter 4 & 5. Really now for the next 2 days, I will only focus on these two.

    I will get it done, no matter what! (but still not neglecting my own needs). I’m really excited about the thesis. I wish I could write faster.

  • Nothing is Wrong with Wanting the Best for Myself

    It’s almost midnight. I have almost finished my chores for today except for continuing my data analysis. I’m feeling a bit tired and sleepy for that. Plus I haven’t showered, and I wanted to have a good clean hair wash today.

    The day started quite okay, then at noon bumped into familiar people and everyone’s like so nice today. I am a bit anxious by midday after calculating my finances, how much should I invest, spend and use to pay debts. I am left with just enough to pay for my fuel.

    Prepped what I needed for my meals next week, made my yogurt, roasted chicken breasts, cut a whole papaya fruit for my snacks and dinners. And managed to clean up all the mess. My goal now is to avoid delaying doing things. So it’s kind of tiring at times cause I would like to relax a bit and not getting worked up with unwashed dishes unprocessed bills and stuff. Had nice meals overall today and I’m ready to face the week!

    Sorted my balcony garden, and ordered some orchids and fertilisers pesticides stuffs for repotting later. My orchids have grown double their sizes now. I can’t wait to see spikes coming out and for them to keep growing.

    One idea I have been toying around with is to cultivate my food garden indoor because I don’t want my plants to be destroyed by the rats outside. Probably I should get some grow lights first and think of how to improve airflow inside the house. Totally need to write it down. I also next need to redo the flooring at the main room. Probably best if I move there to sleep and stuff and use my current bedroom for gardening as it has better lighting (but can be really hot too). And then I would like to add another layer of curtains like 2 feet inwards from the main window so that I can let some sunlight in without getting too much sun (double protection). So much to do, the house is still in much clutter but it’s still organised.

    Doing the whole thing is really non-stimulating, I started to get bored and in need to escape. I played some games, updated my Instagram account. Oh yeah, I have yet to write about my data collection journey. And then looking at one post I did a while a go when I did my data collection in Kudat – that was the last post when we were still talking. Mixed feeling came rushing in. I missed him so much. The last time we met was in June. He blocked me dead for a month plus already. Sometimes I feel guilty for being such a confronting bitch, but I have the right to express myself and asking for what I want and what I need. I don’t know how he’s doing. Deep inside, I feel that this might be it. Maybe it’s the best time, it’s gonna end anyway so might as well I feel all the hurt and detach now rather than later. Yeah, almost 5 years of friendship and love gone down the drain.

    I will meet the man of my dreams, and live a fulfilling life with the love of my life. I am proud of the woman that I am now and I will achieve what I needed to function at my best for me and for my purpose whatever that is in the future. I will get a new car to drive next year, and my income will reach within what I have targeted. Allah will help me if my intention is pure. I just need to stay calm and stay on my lane. It’s gonna work out.

    There is nothing wrong with me. I just stepped out of my old programming and just happens some people are not okay with it. Just look forward with my head held high and get on with life like I always do. I am going to be good.

  • Lifestyle Polarity

    Halfway in Week 2 of my data collection processes. It has been so draining mentally and physically (and financially), but oddly enough so fulfilling to my soul.

    I mingled with farmers and all from various districts, and like, so jealous of them. They don’t earn much, but they looked as if they’re pretty fulfilled with their life. Maybe from the outside. But I could feel and see how great the power of community in front of my eyes. It was something my late grandpa lived for. Live in kampung and be together with his community. Unlike me, it’s like always looking out for something, for what? Maybe I’m looking for validation that I’m a valuable person.

    I feel like a fake person, so engrossed with social media and my little bubble of self-preservation against I don’t know what real threats I could be facing. I am so connected to many people in such a short time. Almost all of the respondents earn just slightly more or less than I am, yet they survive, built a family and work in the farm as usual. I wonder what makes them so strong. Why am I so different than they are?

    I thought to myself, maybe cause I have lived abroad and experienced the best of both worlds. I have an overall idea how to get ahead in life. Why do I need to be ‘ahead’ though. What’s wrong with me right NOW? I am so thankful for my parents hard work to raise my siblings and I, but to me, they didn’t emphasis so much on what it means to be human and be a part of a community.

    This whole experience is so humbling to me and make me want to reassess how I live my life, my values and priorities. I already have what I need to lead a meaningful life. I don’t need much. I just need to do what is right for me and what makes me happy with the people or my community around me.

    I am just so grateful of this journey. It just has opened up my eyes to so many things about life. My worries are too small (but need to address) compared to the farmers that I have met. Despite of all the lackings in their lives, they still survive and are doing well. I would be OK too. Thank you Allah.

  • Sometimes I Forgot to Draw or Find the Line

    Recently I have been asked to help with the family business to build on my dad’s vision again and with my sister-in-law’s business.

    I liked the idea and decided to help out. As we went along with the plan and I brought things to speed up, suddenly I got sabotaged again. My reputation on the line.

    Brought my brother to view on some stuffs on a gym which I knew the owners agreed to things – and then these two are playing games with me or us. The gym owner seemed so desperate to get the cash in despite of my assurance. I, for one hand felt as if my words and integrity have no value. And when I communicate to my brother, he has now changed his mind. This of course jeopardises my credibility with other people that I have promised stuffs. Relating to past event, I felt triggered that it’s gonna be like that all over again.

    I decided to do nothing until I have my thinking right. But it is clear now, the way my brother or my dad sees my role is the same as it was. I must draw the line and not fall into the same scenario again. My life is going so well now. Don’t sacrifice everything for them. Don’t give them the power to hold my lifeline again.

    I must communicate with them. I am just going to consult but if this is the way they are, not following the plan that I worked hard for – I am just not going to waste my time executing it. You want to do it your way, it’s your call, but I’m not gonna be involved.

    Damn it – I really should withdraw my name from all the companies. They don’t bring me happiness and I don’t in any way want to be involved in it.

    Main lesson here, always trust my gut feeling about a person. If they make me feel desperate – they are outright manipulative and just move on find someone else to work with. People don’t really change and don’t torture yourself working with people who are not compatible with you. There is always a choice.

    May Allah guides and provides me with sufficient wealth to live happily and meaningfully for as long as He permits.

  • Some More Real Life Update As At June 2024

    So April had been a real stressful month for me. So was May. Everything just went real fast that I rarely had time to breathe and reflect on my progress as far. So many incidents in between, really, both good and bad.

    • Relationship-wise I am feeling more secure, but the future remains unclear
    • Work-wise, I am getting better and more confident with my path here in fitness
    • Data collection had been a mess, it went out of hand and I got super stressed on this one
    • Issues with my student status and tuition fees, and stressed out with the possibility that I may need to extend my studies for a bit. This was resolved and I have accepted my limit.
    • I improved a lot at CrossFit, nailed RX wall walk, rope climb, did my first kipping pull up for real and got the courage to lift real heavy – 100kg deadlift, close to 60kg power cleans. My relationship with the community improved as well.
    • I had a hard long look at my finances and taken an interest in stock trading. Wish I had done it sooner, but still not too late. It’s time for me to slowly upgrade my life.
    • Car issues a couple of times, mechanic negligence! I really had enough and will not go see the mechanic again. Enough of paying for BS service!
    • Finally had a haircut!
    • Finally organised and resumed my painting
    • Reorganise my garden! And cleaned the main room which I had put off to do for months.
    • I had my first panic attack (the scariest thing ever) and been diagnosed with anxiety. Went to see therapist for a bit, it was nice.
    • I just held on to my boundaries with people (except with the boyfriend) which makes me feel powerful and relaxed – issues at the gym sorted!
    • Entrusted to run a group training service which is close to running my own gym
    • Had the best Teacher’s Day surprise celebration ever. Didn’t know I am valued that much. So much love!
    • Taken up new challenge to run my own gym with the family business. May Allah ease.
    • I feel that my relationship with my family has improved as well which relieves the heavy weights that I have been feeling. Though, they still trigger me, I am learning to challenge my catastrophic thinking whenever they ask of something from me.

    After the tumultuous months of uncertainties, I feel that June is when I had more control with my path and life. May it be time for me to thrive – and stay steadfast and be prepared enough for whatever that may come.

  • Generally Worried – Jan 2024

    Feeling off today, generally worried and anxious. Things that made me feel all stressed out today are:

    • Having to get up early to train
    • Uncertain if my car gonna behave well tomorrow morning
    • Data collection stuff
    • Deadlines for paper
    • Finance
    • He’s being mute again

    It’s the attachment again, like I couldn’t relax and I feel the need to hold strong on being on alert mode which is so exhausting. I forgot how to work on this. Detach? And I really need help right now, seems like no one’s willing to help me the way that I need.

    Most of the things I am worried about can be changed. Only about him, there’s nothing I can do right now. It’s just so frustrating communicating with him. I don’t know how much longer I could stand this guy’s treatment.

    Relax, whatever that is destined for me will be mine.