It’s almost midnight. I have almost finished my chores for today except for continuing my data analysis. I’m feeling a bit tired and sleepy for that. Plus I haven’t showered, and I wanted to have a good clean hair wash today.
The day started quite okay, then at noon bumped into familiar people and everyone’s like so nice today. I am a bit anxious by midday after calculating my finances, how much should I invest, spend and use to pay debts. I am left with just enough to pay for my fuel.
Prepped what I needed for my meals next week, made my yogurt, roasted chicken breasts, cut a whole papaya fruit for my snacks and dinners. And managed to clean up all the mess. My goal now is to avoid delaying doing things. So it’s kind of tiring at times cause I would like to relax a bit and not getting worked up with unwashed dishes unprocessed bills and stuff. Had nice meals overall today and I’m ready to face the week!
Sorted my balcony garden, and ordered some orchids and fertilisers pesticides stuffs for repotting later. My orchids have grown double their sizes now. I can’t wait to see spikes coming out and for them to keep growing.
One idea I have been toying around with is to cultivate my food garden indoor because I don’t want my plants to be destroyed by the rats outside. Probably I should get some grow lights first and think of how to improve airflow inside the house. Totally need to write it down. I also next need to redo the flooring at the main room. Probably best if I move there to sleep and stuff and use my current bedroom for gardening as it has better lighting (but can be really hot too). And then I would like to add another layer of curtains like 2 feet inwards from the main window so that I can let some sunlight in without getting too much sun (double protection). So much to do, the house is still in much clutter but it’s still organised.
Doing the whole thing is really non-stimulating, I started to get bored and in need to escape. I played some games, updated my Instagram account. Oh yeah, I have yet to write about my data collection journey. And then looking at one post I did a while a go when I did my data collection in Kudat – that was the last post when we were still talking. Mixed feeling came rushing in. I missed him so much. The last time we met was in June. He blocked me dead for a month plus already. Sometimes I feel guilty for being such a confronting bitch, but I have the right to express myself and asking for what I want and what I need. I don’t know how he’s doing. Deep inside, I feel that this might be it. Maybe it’s the best time, it’s gonna end anyway so might as well I feel all the hurt and detach now rather than later. Yeah, almost 5 years of friendship and love gone down the drain.
I will meet the man of my dreams, and live a fulfilling life with the love of my life. I am proud of the woman that I am now and I will achieve what I needed to function at my best for me and for my purpose whatever that is in the future. I will get a new car to drive next year, and my income will reach within what I have targeted. Allah will help me if my intention is pure. I just need to stay calm and stay on my lane. It’s gonna work out.
There is nothing wrong with me. I just stepped out of my old programming and just happens some people are not okay with it. Just look forward with my head held high and get on with life like I always do. I am going to be good.