It is my birthday today! A different celebration from when I was 40. Because I don’t have Facebook anymore that notifies everyone of my birthday, not many wished me one (not even my man!). Only my family members and some close friends who happen to interact with me often. I taught BodyPump as usual as it’s Thursday, and got announced by my instructor mate who team teached with me today to the whole class that it’s my birthday today. It was a nice feeling being appreciated like that. Afterwards, we had cake and some meal downstairs at Secret Recipe and I headed towards my parents’ to meet and celebrate with my family.
Did the usual drills, small celebration with them. Had cake, kids singing birthday and fought to blow the candles, them gifts giving and them asked me to unwrap the presents. We ate a bit, and chit chatted with my sisters and mom. Dad, as usual, I don’t know what to talk about with him. He just went to bed early.
I got some presents like freebies from expos – functional stuffs, mom gave me telekung and dad gave me a watch. It was so modest I was actually was not that excited. Then when I unwrapped the gift from my dad, I was half disappointed cause he gave me a men’s watch. In my mind, I was like, “Are you kidding me, don’t you realise how stylish I am, and you want me to wear this?”. Well, of course I didn’t voice out my disappointment and thanked him anyway with glee. I also asked my mom where I can have the strap adjusted, cause its too large on my wrist. She just answered me but like unsure of it. If they bought it together, she would have known. I packed some food and drove back to my house after everyone settled to their bedrooms.
As I drove home, I became suspicious. Like, how could he do that to me, then I thought, he must have bought it for himself but didn’t want it and gave it to me instead – like, everything hand-me-downs, they’ll give it to me. As I arrived, showered and settled at home, I charged the smartwatch my dad gave me, changed the straps – the black leather straps look a lot better on my wrist than the steel one and checked what’s inside the box.
I found the manual and some sort of warranty documents, then I saw the date of purchase. It was in 2020! And then I remembered my brother gave a Fossil watch to my dad for his birthday. Could this be the same watch? The settings of the phone, too, were configured for an iPhone and with my dad’s email address.
I was heartbroken, like not angry heartbroken. It’s a sad feeling. My dad is not as he was years back. He’s in a fragile and vulnerable position right now. Maybe he is feeling powerless to help me, that’s why he’s like avoiding, even talking with me. Despite of that, he still wants to give his best to me. That’s my dad’s love to me. He has given me everything he could, even when in times he could not afford to. I feel that he’s really in big crisis right now and really need our help. On the bright side, I kind of glad that he didn’t spend so much money for a gift that I don’t really in favour of (like the almost 3 grands Tumi backpack they gave me last year).
It is a huge awakening for me. I, too, am feeling so vulnerable and don’t know how I could turn my life around. But so far, things are kind of on track. I want to help my family and not be too financially dependent on them. I am not messing around anymore. Inside, I know I can do this. Just still figuring out what works. Allah will guide me, as long as I do it for the right reason with all my heart.
May Allah protect my parents from their worries and insecurities; and teach them to be at peace and surrender to Him; and bless my parents with good health and meaningful life. I love my parents, and thank you Allah for blessing me with wonderful mom and dad who love me unconditionally with all their hearts.