Virtually Nurul – { Research | Fitness | Designs } by Nurul

Category: Whatevs

  • Relationship

    I was scrolling through Instagram and chanced upon a reel with a man giving relationship advice. My initial response was, not another game-playing advice please – but continued to watch. There I saw a man who was talking through a perspective of trauma – of someone who lost it all and finally found happiness. So, other than finding recommendations that after break up to abstain from dating for a duration (3 months times year of dating) to heal, I also chance upon a discussion on female archetype.

    I did one of the quizzes, and it said I am mostly a “Wild Woman”! Followed by “Mother” and “Lover” (same second highest score) archetypes. I will research more and write about it in a different post. I feel that there’s so much about being a woman when I understand the different archetypes every woman embody.

    Something about work got on my nerve, too, today. My initial reaction was to give ultimatum (yes, I am tired of my boundaries being broken). But I am giving it another chance, and try to solve it as wise as I can.

    Relationships are hard, especially when dealing with dysfunctional people. By the way, the Instagram account that I was talking about is Danny Morel’s. So good contents, very wise, very authentic. Ok, I will not be dating anyone for a year until June 2024.

  • Desire for Control – Emotional Flashback/Overwhelm Relapse!

    I was so looking forward for today cause it’s my first ortho review and I was excited cause I get to change the band for my braces. Today I chose blue!

    As the day progressed, so many negative things happened, like, water cut for a few hours at my apartment caused by pipe repair, therefore I ran late for review (oh my gosh! I hate being late gave me so much rush!), did not manage to send parcel I planned to today, my kuih plan did not turn out as I plan, and my PT session got cancelled again. And by the end of the day, I was so exhausted and seemed like occupied my day so much – but nothing gets done!

    Been feeling this way for a few days already. Being exhausted and overwhelmed when nothing goes my way triggered my anxiety a lot and the feeling that I am never good enough. At times, I can’t help feeling hopeless as I kept having flashbacks on that feeling when my efforts gone unappreciated by my dad. He’s not a bad man, I just know something within him is just wrong cause he cannot seem to show his appreciation to me no matter how great I did. I stopped caring about being validated, but today the feeling is all over the place which makes me sad and agitated.

    So, again, I must remember to ground myself, check of my good traits and strengths regardless of whether people notice or not.

    Secondly, where am I at on my hormonal cycle. Yes, this affects a lot!

    Third, check with my schedule and what I had been doing all week. My body is just exhausted. This week, I had 4 BodyPump classes (2 teaching full class, 1 team teach, 1 as participant), 2 CrossFit foundation classes and 1 powerlifting foundation class. And I did not sleep and eat enough. Added up with cooking errands for my mom. That’s quite a week already! Maybe both cancellations of my PT sessions were a blessing, if not I would be more exhausted I guess. I may have breached my own boundaries here.

    Last one, I would normally gave my body a good stretch especially for my back, and put on the essential oil diffuser to loosen up.

    I still have errands to do the next day, what with back to back weekend classes. Seriously exhausted and overwhelmed, I gotta help myself. Apart from overwhelm, I know I am feeling insecure right now with all the uncertainty of events.

    My pace is accelerating, which is good for the momentum. I gotta know and find a way to be more balanced but still get things done. For this, must be more efficient when doing things and delegate what others can help do for me.

    Badly need a good cry.

  • State of Flow in Reflection

    I know right, this is like the third post I have written in a row. While typing this, I have three other posts in line as drafts.

    I miss myself in this state of being at this moment where I can just create and create with ideas overflowing out of me. At the same time, I am feeling general anxiety. It’s 1am and I am not asleep yet, I have get up early for morning class later. I am also feeling unsettled cause I did not finish my laundry – there were rats outside, I just don’t want to deal with them right now.

    It feels great to be able to reflect on what has been happening, like process on recent events, check on my feelings. Keep myself updated on happenings, making sense of things. It’s like, “Hey we’ve gone through this! How it feels like?”. Yeah, I don’t only keep my friends updated, but also need to tell myself to update on my take for each experience. Life is just too beautiful to let by without context. I want to tell myself more, but it’s already late. Thanks Allah for this privilege.

    Regroup and get ready for what’s to come.

  • Wanting to Write More

    Every now and then, I have the urge to write. I know, now, that I feel deeply and I am at my core an expressive person. Often, I want to be seen and acknowledged. This would be a great outlet to jot down what I need to express and to organise my thoughts. Okay let’s see how this would play out. I want to write at least once a month by August 2023.

    So many personal stuffs and discoveries I want to let out but still I am figuring out how to write discretely while exposing things publicly. My readers may or may not know me in person. I want to create value with what I share. I mean I am human and I do not want to filter what I share as if I am living in a perfect little world. Will just try, and see if anyone care enough to give feedbacks.