I was in the midst of deleting old emails from my Google Mail to empty out my Google Drive storage. I kept deleting until the year 2014 when I was in UK, there was an email forwarding me photos of my parents visit in UK with a message saying “here are your photos. Kirim salam sama family”. It was from someone I have let down over some guy I had a crush on.
It’s not that I didn’t like him. He’s 11 years younger than me. I didn’t think he liked me, like seriously that much.He’s always around when I needed him. He liked my cooking. Whenever I had extra food at home, I’d call him and asked if he’d like some. He would gladly come over to pick them up and never failed to compliment my cooking. When I needed company to ride the train to town, he would gladly do so with me. I wasn’t sure and wasn’t thinking of anything cause there were only a number of us Malaysians there in Wales and it’s very common to be helpful towards one another.
He caught me alone with the guy I liked at my backyard in the middle of a conversation. I confessed to that guy that I liked him, and I thought he might have heard our conversation. Afterwards, he became cold to me – as if he knows what’s going on. He’s not that bad, he’s quite attractive, athletic, well-dressed, polite and he’s protective of me. Only issue was he was way too young. And I thought he’s a bit conservative that he might not like my guts and limits my freedom. He backed of and I have never heard of him again. Last time I was on Twitter, he might have mentioned on him getting married or something. I don’t know his other social media accounts, he completely stopped posting afterwards. Turns out, the guy I liked, wbile he’s so charismatic, he’s just a fake and I was so heartbroken. We met last time he was here but yeah I just can’t with his fakeness.
Thinking back, it was so unfair to him. But love is never fair. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. Maybe it’s a redirection. But should I have the chance again, I would definitely give us a shot. I hope he’s happy somewhere in the universe and I would like to apologise for being such a bitch last time and for taking him for granted. By chance, we might see each other again,hopefully in better circumstances.