It’s the final week of September already. So much went on this month. I’m just feeling overwhelmed day in day out. In dire need of a long break but I need to hold on until my thesis is submitted and after Hopper Warrior finishes.
What went on this month:
Data collection and data analysis consumed so much of my time and energy. And then, to actually write and compile my thesis altogether. Today I am finalising the structure and contents of Chapter 4 before actually write the whole thing. Anxiety level up to the roof and I think I’m experiencing shutdowns as my brain refuse to think and focus without donuts and iced coffee. Last time, I used to smoke a lot to defuse my emotion. But I’m not going to do that again.
Physically used up after Borneo Pangazou’s event mid September, 1 week recovery and training again. It’s week 1 out of 3 weeks plan. I’m beyond exhausted already. 2 weeks to go. More expenses on fuel and food. Must do daily stretch and massages for quick recovery measures. It’s Saturday, good thing class was cancelled this morning so I had plenty of rest at home but still need to catch up on sleep. My relationship with the people at the gyms I go to also has gotten closer. They really are my emotional support system these days.
The gym in Putatan is slowly gaining traction. For that, I’m so grateful. We got new equipments (so much drama on how they were under my responsibilities, good thing a good soul helped me out). I managed to code a simple apps to record class attendance which helped a lot in my communications with instructors and gym members. Dealing with people, though I’m good at it, is so mentally exhausting. The late drive home 3-4 times a week is tiring too. More stuff to do to improve with newbies orientation and marketing stuffs. Hope I could still use the place for a long time.
Other than that, I think I’m also exhausted at monitoring my investments as last few weeks my stocks were not performing well. But I learnt a lot about investing. I thought to myself, had I known about it years earlier, I would be in a much better place financially today. Also, managed to restructure my study loan repayment. At last, I’m able to continue paying the loan again. Must be careful with how I spend my money. I’m looking forward to get a new car loan probably end of this year or next year. My car is causing so much stress to me already. Been down for a few weeks already and I’m using my mom’s car which costs me RM100 a week on fuel. Also, it is because I have spent forward a lot of money for my data collection that I don’t have enough for the following months. By January, I’m hoping that things are back to the usuals so that I don’t struggle so much. Hope no more drama in my life at least spare me for a couple of months. Let me breathe.
Overall I still feel I’m not in control of my life. My relationship is still in standoff-ish mode. My house is a mess. My roses died. At least I manage to sort the most important stuffs out. To think of it, today is the only weekend that I have to myself this month. Just need time to make sense of stuffs and not doing too much in a month. My challenge for the next few weeks would be to consistently write and train at this intensity I have started this month. Focus, meditate, regroup and realign quick (and don’t forget things!) I might be doing just fine.