Virtually Nurul – { Research | Fitness | Designs } by Nurul

Tag: dba milestones

  • Thesis – Chapter 5 Checklist

    30,000 words to go! Off-duty day, working on maximising my time to write and to start training again for next competition. Drake’s Massive song blasting on repeat! I like Drake, not sure what is so appealing about him. Heard that he’s some kind of a jerk too. But let’s not go there!

    Ok back to the checklist:

    • Response rate summary
    • Data normality test
    • Descriptive statistics – SPSS
    • Assessment of measurement model – PLS
    • Assessment of structural model – PLS
    • Assessment of mediation effect
    • Discussion – empirical analysis
    • Discussion – industrial analysis

    Writing this chapter is so exhausting, with drawing diagrams, tables (I despise making graphics using Office tools) and I think my eyesight is getting worse with squinting a lot looking for figures and significant ones to analyse on. It’s not going to get easier. If it’s easy, everyone would do it. I am also stressed out (stressing myself out with no valid proof) that my supervisors are going to criticise hard this chapter that I worked so hard thinking, analysing and writing on. They really are not kind with their comments, nothing is spared – good thing I’m a trained thick-skin (thanks Mom and Dad). If only they knew how hard it is for me to come up to this level. Let’s just sort this out. I think I am at the last diagram already, and next is to write up on empirical and mediation analysis. Was close to be overwhelmed, I quickly did some guided meditation and feel a bit okay and could think more rationally afterwards.

  • Final Week to Write

    Overdue for a week to hand over my draft to my supervisors already. I am just keeping calm knowing my coursemates haven’t handed theirs as well. What a week has it been!

    I’m beyond exhausted, my car hasn’t been working since last week. I broke up into tears in front of my mom and my siblings due to how helpless I was feeling that time. I wasn’t fishing for their sympathy. They all helped me maybe because I was always has been the strong one. My mom offered to send me to work and lent me her car at last. My brother helped me to check on what’s wrong with my car. At one point, I unknowingly left the sidelamp of my mom’s car on that the car battery went flat – again I was without vehicle.

    After travelling via Grab car (thank God for this service) for a few days, my brother gave instructions on how to mount/dismount the car battery and charge it upstairs in my unit. It was so heavy, I felt grateful that I weight train. To my surprise, I managed to get my mom’s car up and running after that. So much worry and agitation before I knew what to do. It was an accomplishment for me to be able to do that. Now I can replace my own car battery. I told my brother, this thing, on how to repair and maintain a car should be taught at school. We both laughed. I love talking to my brother, I just hope he takes care of his health better.

    My upper body was so sore from last weekend’s competition (I’ll write about it), it was so hard getting up from bed. My body was under so much stress. But I still went to work to do some cleaning at Putatan gym. On the next day, I got my therapist friend to massage my arms, chest and back due to tightness (first time doing this), boy it was so painful and took me 2 days to fully recover. I learnt that I have left forearm issue and a bit in my tricep same side. They were old injuries, good thing it can be fixed with consistent treatment procedures. I’m so glad that I met her during the competition.

    I couldn’t relax yet, this week I covered classes for 2 instructors. So it was 4 out of 5 BodyPump classes, and the other 3 days in Putatan gym. Wednesday to Friday, 2 classes back to back. When I finished my last class of the week this afternoon, I was like, OMG I deserve a treat for myself! Got some groceries, donuts and coffee, got home and unwind. Best feeling ever! Saturdays are my favourite. Unpacking my groceries, I was feeling so grateful that I still can afford to buy quality food. I’m going to cook a nice meal for myself today.

    I’m going to use this weekend to finish whatever left on my thesis. It’s all coming together, I just have to persevere and hang in there till it’s submitted. I’ve got about slightly less than 200 pages to go, so I really need to be purposeful with my time.

    Things left to do:

    Chapter 2 – Include info on agencies in charge of agriculture industry in Sabah / Malaysia

    Chapter 3 – All points included, so just add on the writeups and references

    Chapter 4 – Include PLS parameters, streamline writeup

    Chapter 5 – Decide on VAF, writeup on analysis. Divisional analysis

    Chapter 6 – This one so much to write, maybe dedicate 1-2 days for this

    Finish all these, I’m good for submission already. Coffee and donuts ready, all the best to me!

  • Thesis is Coming to Fruition!

    I have been spending all day indoors analysing and writing my thesis. I thought I have done most of it. Turns out there are loads more to do! I have more or less 5 days to detail everything out before I submit my thesis draft to my supervisor. However, I am happy with my results and it seems that all the components needed for my thesis are there. I am so grateful for that. Only thing is, time is almost not on my side. I am already anticipating this hecticness, with my preparation for competition this weekend. So that’s officially 3 days off! Maybe I can bring along my laptop to write while waiting during the competition.

    I have been progressing so well. I can’t let myself be disorganised or distracted. I feel that I need to pace myself tenfold but that only means not sleeping, eating, working or going out at all. I hope I’m not gonna be too tired to write after work tomorrow.

    Checklist for my thesis:

    • Chapter 3 – Polish on my literature review – evidence and details on confounding Conceptual framework
    • Chapter 4 – Methodology – elaborate on my processes from questionnaire, applications, how I conduct everything – tell them! And then write the parameters I use for all the analyses
    • Chapter 5-Decide on VAF, competitive or complimentary mediation, analyse open ended questions, write my analysis – tables all done!
    • Chapter 6 – Detail out my contribution

    More effort needed for Chapter 4 & 5. Really now for the next 2 days, I will only focus on these two.

    I will get it done, no matter what! (but still not neglecting my own needs). I’m really excited about the thesis. I wish I could write faster.

  • Data Analysis – Deep Focus Work

    Crammed in at home and wrote my data analysis for more than 12 hours yesterday! Crazy longest hours I’ve spent on desk work. The more I analyse all the data that I took (that costed me almost 5 grand!), the more I discover on other stuff to check and detailed out.

    The findings drove me wild! I can’t wait to finish them all and do a proper write up. In my data analysis part, I have included:

    • Descriptive analysis of each item
    • Analysis per construct for each cluster/division
    • TRI, EA analysis for Sabah and each cluster
    • Demographic profile
    • Knowledge and awareness profiles
    • PLS-SEM analysis – measurement, structural and median analysis

    I was stuck for a bit due to questions regarding analysing reflective formative higher order construct. After almost a week researching, turned out I couldn’t do it because of defect in questionnaire design. I couldn’t do redundancy analysis / convergence test cause there’s no global item or formative response to compare my data against. It’s also refreshing to know that I wasn’t alone. Some authors skip it altogether, but I couldn’t find very good references on this, so I decided to do direct reflective lower order analysis instead. After I have made that decision, things are just flowing moving forward. Thank God, like finally! Should I have another opportunity to conduct this kind of studies, I will carefully design my instrument.

    Earlier on, I was stuck at detailing my sampling method. If I am looking for Sabah agriculture demography, I almost didn’t have enough numbers. A week over reading and researching, I have settled on how to structure my writeup and finalise my data for analysis accordingly with the cluster portion.

    At this stage, I can see clearly now the stuff I learn theoretically. All the research process that I’m going through is so important and have to be conducted ethically for it to be meaningful. There’s a certain level of responsibility involved when I think of who am I delivering my research reports for. After checking out the preliminary results, I have just found a new drive to finish my thesis the soonest I can. It’s too important for others to see especially the policy makers. One week to go, I will finish it on time! May Allah ease.

  • End of Data Collection

    Today I have started to update my thesis draft on sampling and really articulating my method. I panicked a little when I found some references using 385 as minimum sample (by Cochran’s formula). Then again, after looking elsewhere, if I have 350 sample, that would be enough. If referring to cultivation land areas, I have just enough data but that’s ok. I am happy where I am at now.

    So relieved and I am actually looking forward to do random sampling and do my actual analysis. Other than structural model analysis, I gotta find out how to calculate the technological readiness index (TRI) as well as reporting cluster by cluster.

    I feel slightly sad that my data collection is over now. I actually enjoyed doing it and met with so many people out of my usual social circle. It’s a mixed feeling but in my gut I feel that I’m going to be here for a while. It’s like there’s unfinished business for me and the community. I feel like my life has more purpose now.

    I hope the data analysis reveals a lot more than what I initially found. I am just feeling content. Would like to write more later about my data collection adventure!

  • Data Collection Updates – 19/6/2024

    20/6/2024 – Ok I have had Smart PLS 4 installed. Next is to call RISDA Sipitang and Beaufort and engage with PKK representatives (3 districts). Also to build the model already for data analysis in PLS.

    19/6/2024 – Finally got things to move a tiny wee bit. I am planning to visit Kudat next week after much hassle and asking for help from others to coordinate and accommodate my movements going there. A few days beforehand, I was so stuck and caught in the difficulties. Then I remembered how I spent about 96 GBP for a trip to interview someone all the way from Wales towards north England, and that was only to fulfill one subject – not even a full course. I could do it again. And travelling all around Sabah should be the least of a problem for now. Just do it! So, it’s all action from now on. Next to do is to prepare printouts for 30 pax (if I got extra, I could use it for other districts later). Now Kudat almost sorted, I am moving on to Southwest Coast (Sipitang, Beaufort etc) and Ranau area. I notice that my main issue here is timing, as I am mostly feeling sane and OK after 3.30pm (after my tea break time). By this time, all the officers are packing up already. I will make a note to contact them earlier in the mornings around 8-12pm window.

    30/4/2024 – It’s May tomorrow, my data collection progress has been superslow. As far, I only have about 20 respondents from my expected 250 figure. People really are less likely to do it if there is no urgency for them to do it. I am a bit demotivated with this whole thing as I feel that I might not be able to make it within set time for the program and may need to extend my studies until I have all the data altogether. Worst case, I will only collect about 130 responses. I dislike cold-calling people and in my head, people mostly would not bother if I just call. They all prefer that I come and meet them in person. It is so frustrating but I had to get it done as it is a really important issue to cover. I gotta use May as efficient as I can, I don’t have much time now.

    My next milestones in May now are:

    • Call each representative from East Coast to inform my interest (Sandakan, Tawau, Semporna, Lahad Datu, Kunak, Kalabakan, Nabawan)
    • Get information on how much time do I need to be at the East Coast to collect data
    • Get information on costs and assistance possible to travel and for accommodations
    • Push for information from West Coast

    I mean if I have all the time, this would be so fun. However, I have other commitments and missing them might affect my income for June. And also, I might need to change my sampling technique. The things I need to read now are on TAM and TRI experiments towards current or novice user if there are proof of them in order to make my data valid.

  • Be Still

    I am just feeling so overwhelmed lately especially due to the excruciatingly hot weather and that I can’t eat or drink to at least give some motivation to keep doing what I needed to get done.

    Came across an Instagram post yesterday talking about trauma in women causing them to mess up in their feminine side believing that being feminine is harmful and being more masculine will help them survive. Well that’s exactly me! Only that I realise that I’m more leaning towards my feminine side this time around.

    I have always been feminine with my joy in expressing creativity in my work. I love perfumes, nice smells and pampering myself. It’s just that being this way is deemed as lazy and unproductive by my parents and mostly by the environment around me. So, it’s me who needs to enjoy and validate the feminine side of me.

    Today, I’m feeling messy because I am so exhausted I think my health is giving way because I didn’t rest, drink and eat enough. I already undereat during non-fasting month. So by eating less (not intentionally) during fasting month of course is going to set me back. It’s one of the things I need to seriously take care of.

    So much things to do, I want to make a new pair of baju raya for me also, study-wise, a lot of catching up to do. It feels so out of hand for me already. Things for book publisher, for my supervisor, for my data collection. My work is fine and I’m so grateful for it. Only that I have so much pending projects to do which I have no clue yet how am I gonna finish them. My mom expects me to help her so does my grandma. I was also a bit anxious cause my man is not responding to my call for connection. So that agitated me a bit. Good grief that we have delivered the new BodyPump release at the gym, so that lighten the load for myself a little bit.

    I realised that though what I’ve been doing is for my future (hopefully!), I feel that I’m not doing enough for me, to make time doing what makes me feel good, what makes me feel alive and happy – to express myself. So despite of pressure to move things forward, I just decided not to do anything and relax, focus on myself.

    What I like about me this year is that I stuck with my financial system that I managed to control my spending and actually saved some money for myself. Though I still have a long way to go, I feel optimistic with the way I handled it. I want to learn more about money and relate better with it.

    I also becoming better at caring and standing up for myself, doing what I want to do versus doing what people expect me to do. For that, I wanna thank and pat myself at the back for such good work. Omg, this was so not me just 4 years ago!

    You are doing great Nurul. You are not behind, you are exactly where you want to be. Now let’s get ready to spend the day for myself that is to make baju raya instead of just doing study work and worrying about them!

  • DBA Milestone: Beginning of Semester 5!

    Time flies so fast, I can’t remember what I did during Semester 4. Our requirements were to present our progress in colloquium and present and publish an article which I did them both. I drafted my Chapter 4 and Chapter 5 but have not gotten around to complete them. I initiated data collection preparation as well while waiting for my REC application to come through. Now is to follow up my data collection process which I need to execute and collect the actual data. So many parties and people involved. First I needed a system to track my progress and record all the contact details and the status of contact with relevant parties and agencies.

    On data collection, what I did so far:

    • Find an application and demonstration site
    • Get IoT application supplier and actual farmer to get involved
    • Enhanced the BM translations of my questionnaires, though not checked yet
    • Getting contacts of RISDA officers statewide and Jabatan Pertanian Sabah

    What needs to be done:

    • Finalised my BM translations
    • Create educational and awareness video for the survey
    • Compile the survey presentations to be distributed towards respondents
    • Follow up with agencies
    • Plan my data collection trips

    On writing, I gotta start writing templates of my reports and read more on methodology. For instance, get better understanding on the statistical sense why I choose my sampling method and how I came about with the quantity of the respondents. I also need to get ready my PLS-SEM model as according to my proposed framework.

    To be honest, it felt a lot for one person to do all this in just a few months. But I am so excited already and really looking forward to collect all my data. I can do this. Lets begin the semester with better systems and more clarity!

  • Dealing with Shame and Disappointment

    I missed a deadline that I had promised to meet! It is an opportunity, a shot to be published in Taylor & Francis. I tried so hard to write and finish a book chapter manuscript eventhough I was given only about a month to get it done. It is so important to me as an aspiring tech consultant to get my ideas and views get across. Last night, I was planning to continue writing and get it done – the deadline already past in Malaysian timezone, but not in UK. I don’t think I am the only one who have thought of pushing it like that using the timezone as buffer. By 12.30 am, I was so exhausted and I felt that I am going to stress my body further if I did not go to bed and rest. I wrote an email asking for deadline extension – knowing full well how UK people work and just hoping for a little window of time to complete my paper.

    This morning I got up as usual, the time I got up for work. I felt a deep sense of shame and disappointment on myself. This felt too familiar. I looked up on Google if it’s common for writers to ask for extension. Turned out a lot of people do! I felt better. Then, to my instinct, I searched on how much does it cost to publish a book chapter – I was shocked to find out the answer (from as little as USD800 to thousands). I felt so much better. Maybe God is protecting me and showing me how to prepare better for a book project.

    It got me into deep thinking why did I feel shame so much. My feelings of fear, the desperation to finish, the anxiety and mind-racing structuring what I would write in the midst of idle times were all too intense and real. There I was again, in fight mode. I was not in grave danger, but my body and responses felt like it. Then, I told myself, I had never been taught how to deal with shame and disappointment when I was little. I had a conversation with my nephew on winning and losing on how to deal with it. It was so funny when I listen to my own compassionate advice to others, the disappointment for not ‘winning’ did not feel so bad. I broke my routine and did uncomfortable things to make it work, that made me upset too. What’s worse that can happen if I didn’t publish my journal? Partly it was ego – I am not used to ‘losing’, secondly, I wanted to publish so bad – it is fine, I am human with feelings.

    The feeling of shame and disappointment were so intense early in the morning. I was so tired and did not enjoy teaching today. I feel like I am unknowingly going to autopilot again, except that what I had trained to adapt, becoming routine – as in I don’t struggle anymore. Isn’t that great that I am progressing with my supertiring days. Intense feeling is there to feel and to process what did not work with me. It is up to me to receive the signal and feel all the emotions. My strong emotion is my strength.

    Recently I was driving to work feeling so anxious that I was swearing to any car that drove slower than 50kmph in front of me. I don’t know, rush hour traffic drives me mad and the people here are not the best of drivers (me included) – but yeah driving with anxiety and feeling pissed off never are a good combo. It felt too real, I wonder sometimes how come I feel that strongly to the point of hyperventilating and I can feel the reactions of my body if I feel something. Most of the times, I need time to ground myself and recompose. Sometimes I can, sometimes I can’t and just stayed pissed off and moody. Maybe I am good at expressing my emotions (not verbally), that people can feel it without me saying anything. During the drive, I asked myself why was I so pissed off and anxious – the answer to that was I was late and did not prepared enough for class or I had other stuff pending to do. I actually arrived gym on time as usual, not a single minute late – only a few minutes later than what I am comfortable to. Things led to another, I came to conclusion that I was mostly disappointed with myself because I held myself highly accountable to my own high expectations. It’s good to have and maintain standards, but I have trouble accepting if things don’t go my way – as in life, it rarely does which I often get if I stay obsessed (maybe I need to challenge this so that I can relax and not hold on to some idea so tightly.)

  • Data Collection Timeline

    I am getting agitated with the whole deadlines needed to meet early this year. Thank God I have fulfilled everything needed for Semester 4. I have got 2 more semesters, that is more or less 6-8 months left to complete everything on my research. Still I feel I am not doing enough and had to accelerate a bit. So stressful! I have got to strategy on completing my painting jobs as well. I will probably visit navy base on the next CNY public holidays 10&11 Feb.

    Video production (3&4/2)

    • Outline of script – info to share
    • Filming and script for Owan’s Farm – content include their operation and a bit of testimonial
    • Manual guide on how to use the system

    Pre-test

    • Set deadline (push until 10/2)
    • List of people to respond
    • Prepare PLS-SEM
    • Pretest analysis and find preliminary results by mid-Feb (15/2)

    First distribution

    • Email/Contact and get database from PIC – call and contact Jabatan Pertanian Sabah (29/1)
    • Distribute according to cluster
    • Finalise BM language version before 4/2