Tag: emotion regulation

  • Today’s Check In – Struggles and Uncomfortable Feelings

    It’s 3pm at noon and a scorching hot one. Weather app says it’s 33 degree Celsius out there but feels like 39 Celsius. Feeling extra sluggish this afternoon with fasting and all. I am supposed to start with my thesis correction but still hasn’t gotten around to work on that yet. I feel that I am so unbalanced in many ways to do that. My body aches so much from teaching classes, doing CrossFit Open while fasting and my brain is just not cooperating to perform deep focused work. That, with a faucet problem that I gotta fix, hopefully later this week.

    Also, I was served with a notice asking to pay for taxes which threw off my financial balance for a bit. Good thing that I have managed to save some money, which would be enough to pay that off. Ramadan is normally when the gym in Putatan has low turnouts; therefore, less income for me. I have saved for this occasion, however, the unforeseen tax thing just blew things up. I have dealt with the tax thing, now just pray that attendance will catch up so that I can pay my instructors early next month. The stock market is also not doing great because of Trump’s policies, but I am holding on. It’s only temporary, it’s going to recover. I don’t have any more backups for the months April forward, so I’ve gotta strategise how to earn more.

    Adding to that, I have to forego an iftar invitation to celebrate with my DBA batchmates due to reasons, one of them being not wanting to splurge on meals. I would love to meet them if it’s not organised anywhere fancy and doesn’t involve our supervisors. My initial feeling of these was shame and guilt – like, how inadequate I am for struggling and not getting my stuff all lined up together. Then again, I am one of the most resilient people I know, I did it before and I can do it again. And also, I feel guilty for letting my batchmates down, but at least I have stated my reason and proposed how and when we could meet in the future. It’s boundary setting and I am just protecting myself from further damage on my finances, adding more shame, remorse, and resentment towards my batchmates who don’t have anything to do with it.

    Earlier, I joined my family for iftar at my grandma’s place. I really had a nice time (but it was way nicer when I was younger); however, I don’t fancy the feeling of guilt when I have to decline my grandma’s request for me to sleep over for the night. I would oblige last time, though doing so will inconvenience me so much – like I have to abandon my chores and preparation for work, wondering who is going to drop me home, what time will I arrive home, and things like that. Even then, after everything had settled down, my family and I arrived home at midnight. I dislike how disorganised everyone was, indulging themselves with food and mindless chatter up until late at night. I don’t know, it’s just not for me. Maybe I don’t enjoy late evening events. It could be different if it’s an afternoon event. My grandma looked great though and she definitely was happy that everyone was around to be with her. She asked about my braces of all things! Maybe trying to figure out how I was without being too intrusive.

    Today was supposed to be my off day, but I went to replace another instructor’s class this morning. I was so distracted by a member who just did her own thing and not even putting efforts into her workout. As I finished the class, I didn’t feel great or fulfilled like I normally do. And I felt like I just did a mediocre work this morning for not getting everyone engaged and all worked up. After all it was an easy low intensity class, what did I expect. Afterwards, I joined Yoga which was scheduled after my class. It was a nice stretch and rest for my already pained and tight muscles. As the class concluded, there was like a short relaxation period where we all were required to lie down and close our eyes. I was so into it that I briefly fell asleep and dreamt that I was inside a clear water and saw a red fish hovering facing towards me. I had a flashback of the beach that I went in Kunak, so calming and relaxing. I, so badly need to briefly get away from all these routines and the nonsense of other people.

    However, just to be fair, I did have a nice weekend and a good rest at home. I managed to spend time with my family and went back to visit my grandma, iftar together, ate delicious foods with the rest of the clan, and perform tarawih prayers together. I managed to do some repairs on my work pants so that I don’t have to buy new ones. I managed to dismantle and sell the double-decker bed frames that have been collecting dust in my room. I didn’t overspend and my planning for this month was on track – except when the taxes bill arrived. I also managed to repot my growing orchids and did some decluttering. I survived teaching classes and doing CrossFit Open while fasting for the second week already without much complication.

    Struggle is not shameful and is not making me an incomplete nor an unworthy person. It is a part and parcel of life and my life won’t be free of them. However, how I approach them while getting on with life matters and on how to switch my perspectives – that I don’t know everything, especially regarding on what’s gonna happen in the future. Struggle is there to make me learn, adapt and redirect my approach to resolve issues. When I am feeling shame, guilt and fear, it does not necessarily mean that I am struggling – so I gotta be aware to differentiate between uncomfortable feelings and actually being in the state of struggle. It’s when I am experiencing both, I tend to focus and amplify the struggles, giving me the feeling that I am not worthy and not good enough as who I aspire to be. So really, while the external world is so chaotic and unstable, the enemy is mostly my mind and my constant comparison on what’s ideal. I am good enough, just be with the present moment and do things, or not, one at a time. That’s it! I am going to shower and try again with the thesis correction thing.

  • DBT Emotion Regulation Skill

    Printed this out a while back. Again, I want to throw the sheets away so need to put them up here. Might be useful for others. Please email me at n.alam@alamyaakub.com if credits are needed (I don’t have the source details as of now), thanks.

    Skillsets:

    • Coping thoughts
    • Recognise your emotions
    • Cutting and self-mutilation exercise
    • Manipulation behaviours exercise
    • Addictive behaviours exercise
    • Thoughts and emotion defusion
    • Balancing thoughts and emotions
    • Positive activities log

    Coping Thoughts

    • “Nobody’s perfect. I can make mistakes.”
    • “This situation will not last forever.”
    • “I’ve also survived other painful experiences. I can survive this one too.”
    • “This too, shall pass.”
    • “My feelings come and go, just like waves.”
    • “I had experienced overwhelming emotions before and survived.”
    • “I am feeling uncomfortable right now, but I can accept it.”
    • “I can accept my feelings, and this way decreases their intensity.”
    • “I can feel sad and still deal with the situation.”
    • “I am strong enough to deal with what is happening right now.”
    • “This won’t get to me. I can ride this out.”
    • “I can step back, give it a rest, relax, and come back to it later.”
    • “I have survived similar situations and did well.”
    • “It is hard to feel at peace now, but this feeling is only temporary”.
    • “As difficult, the situation may be. I am going to survive it.”
    • “The current situation sucks, but it is only temporary.”
    • “I can feel stressed and still deal with the situation.”
    • “My emotions and thoughts don’t control my life. I do.”
    • “Feelings and thoughts are temporary. They will go away.”
    • “This is a chance for me to learn how to cope with my fear.”
    • “If I want to, I can think different thougts.”
    • “I can use proven methods to help me through this.”
    • “I feel this way because of my past. I am not in danger now.”
    • “I have overcome difficulties before. This will not be different.”
    • “I am going to ride out my feelings as if I were on a wave.”

    Recognise Your Emotions

    Ask yourself:

    • What just happened? (Give date and time)
    • How do I think and feel about what happened? (Be specific)
    • Ok, it happened, but why? (What caused it to happen?)
    • When it happened. What did your emotions tell you what to do? (What did you feel like doing?)
    • How did you react as a result of how you felt? (What exactly did you say or do?)
    • How did the things you said and did affect you later? (What were results of your action? Short and long term consequences?)

    Cutting and Self-mutilation Exercise

    • The cutting and self-mutilating that I engage in are:
    • The temporary rewards for my behaviour are:
    • The long-term costs and dangers of my behaviours are:
    • What are some things I can substitute self-mutilating with?

    Manipulation Behaviours Exercise

    • The manipulation behaviours that I engage in are:
    • The temporary rewards for my behaviours are:
    • The long-term costs and dangers of my behaviours are:
    • Without manipulating, what can I say or do to get what I want?
    • If somebody would manipulate me, how would I feel?

    Addictive Behaviours Exercise (Example alcohol and drugs)

    • I display these alcohol or drug-using behaviours
    • The short-term rewards for my behaviours are:
    • The long-term consequences of my behaviours are:
    • My drug and alcohol habits affect how I feel because:
    • I can improve my substance (alcohol, drugs, cigarettes) use by: (list down items)

    Thoughts and Emotion Defusion

    Use visualisation exercise to remove or feel changing thoughts and emotions. Example:

    1. Imagine you are on a beach by yourself. You are sitting by the sea. In front of you on the sand is written an emotion or thought. As you stare at it, the waves simply wash it away.
    2. It is a beautiful summer day. You are sitting near a stream. As you sit there, you watch leaves with your thoughts and emotions written on the pass you by.

    Balancing Thoughts and Emotions

    • What just happened?
    • How do I think and feel about what happened (be expressive)?
    • What evidence supports how I think and feel?
    • What evidence contradicts how I think and feel?
    • Considering all the evidence. What is a better way to think and feel about the situation?
    • What can I do to cope with the situation in a healthy way?

    Positive Activities Log

    List in a day or week in the following format:

    When?What?How did you feel?What did you think?